Hoarders

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Another day, another blog. Real quick, whenever someone says “Another day, another dollar” do they seriously only make a dollar a day? Hell even homeless people in America get more than a dollars worth of change thrown at them daily. Pretty sure Joe Schmo made more than a dollar that day, so maybe we should figure out what he is trying to hide. From now on when someone says that, stone that motherf*cker until they give in and reveal what they really made that day. Or Just ask them. But I do carry a duffel bag full of stones in the trunk of my car just in case. Maybe you should too.
I’m going to go ahead and keep these blogs mega pointless, so I’ll be blogging about people that hoard.
Most of you have watched or heard of the tv show Hoarders. I love that show. There have many nights when they do a marathon and I can not seem to stop watching. These people crack me up. Now for the most part, I do not feel bad for these people. I understand that some of them have an illness and I’m not talking about being addicted to hoarding. Those people can slide, everyone else, nah you make me laugh. And I am thankful for that. Laughing is a beautiful part of life and I enjoy laughing.
I live in Marysville, which most of you know. Season 1 of Hoarders featured a family from Marysville. Of course I watched the episode. I immediately recognized the family, from seeing them in town at one time or another. I never would have imagined that they never heard of a trash bag. Crazy I tell you. Eventually, I decided to drive by the house to see if anything had changed since the tv show. There is an answer to this question and the answer is NO. My one friend who is a ginger (remember, there can only be one) went with me. Needless to say we both laughed for awhile as we drove less than 1mph around the house. I didn’t mind stopping and staring, especially for a good laugh.
Besides people being obviously crazy, I think I know why these people have this unusual addiction of hoarding. They must be… blind, deaf, illiterate, and delusional. I know this sounds just like summed up President Bush, but I am truly referring to people that hoard on the tv show. I’ll clue you in to why I feel this way.
Blind –they obviously can not see that they live in a big pile of mega shit. Sometimes its actual shit, more than likely from cats ( I won’t even mention that a hoarder has clearly lost the sense of smell), but still disturbing. Also, how can they not see that 90% of the house is so packed that they can not even get through the doorways to get into other rooms. And the remaining 10% is only navigable via a 5 inch walkway.
Deaf –What’s that you hear? Oh that’s the sound of you stepping and sleeping on heaps of 3 year old trash. But I forgot you must be deaf, because you can’t hear this. Wait, do I hear something else? Oh yeah that’s your children who come over to help clean, but you can’t hear them. All you can do is explain to them why you must keep this broken mirror. Gotcha…
Illiterate –Hello, I’m a hoarder. And I can’t read. My fridge is full of 5 year old lunchables. Sure the package says they expired 4 years ago, but duh silly, I don’t understand that. So I’m just going to keep them in my fridge. Along with the 3 gallons of spoiled milk, because I just can’t seem to make out the date on it either. Let’s not forget that I do not have a sense of smell, so of course it smells like flowers when I open the fridge. What’s that on my front door? Just a letter from the city. If I could read I would realize that they are telling me to clean this place, or I will be evicted in 30 days. Who knew?
Delusional –My house is a disaster. I have dead cats in some of the rooms upstairs. I don’t really know they are dead but I haven’t seen them in years and my staircase is so full of complete and useless shit that I can’t make my up there. I sleep on a pile of magazines and used paper towels in my hallway, and of course I’m ok with that. I would like to cook, but I don’t have access to that half of my kitchen. Plus it seems my cats that are still kicking have made a place to do the #2, and its on my stove.
Hoarders are nuckin futs. Plain and simple. That’s all.

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3 Responses to Hoarders

  1. quagmiredp says:

    So many grammatical errors!!! HAHA

  2. Toast says:

    Too funny!!!!!

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